Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Light at the End of the Prayer Tunnel

I'm not the first to admit that I don't understand prayer. And I won't be the last.

To be honest, life since college has been tough for me. I am one of the many Americans to graduate higher education and get hurt by the job market. Even though I graduated over three years ago, I have not had a full time job that has paid more than $8 an hour. Embarrassing, huh? Even if you don't think so, it's definitely nothing to be excited about.

As an undergrad with a degree in Ministry, I've searched for a long time to find a job.

I feel like I've done it all.

Online searches.
Followed every lead I could find.
Asked mentors for advice.

But more than anything, I prayed.

All the time.

I asked God a lot of questions.

"Why have you given me these gifts and nowhere to use them?"

"Why have you given me a passion and a vision with nowhere to implement them?"

And no answer.

I can't say how many times I said, "I should just give up."

Last year, in September, I had the idea to implement my desire to teach on a blog. That idea eventually became this site. So I wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote.

Until I found my niche.

Until I found my ministry.

Granted, this doesn't pay anything. But I have received three free books. And typically, books don't pay the bills.

I even wrote a post for people in my situation, exploring the idea of failure, and how to persevere.

But you, my readers, became my focus.

Fast forward to today.

This morning I spoke at the Cleveland Worship Center as the new Student Minister/Associate Pastor.

As I breathe a sigh of relief, I can now put to rest worries of raising a daughter. She will be born in less than a month. And I now have a way to provide for her.

Honestly, it seems unreal. Like a dream I am soon going to wake from. Like a prank about to spring on me.

But as far as I know, I have to be at the office at 8am tomorrow. You better believe I will be there, with french pressed coffee flowing through my veins.

If you are wondering, I will still be faithful to you, my readers. I will continue to write to the best of my ability. You're too good to pass up.

But as it comes to prayer, I often wonder about God's timing. Why did He wait so long?

1. Was He teaching me about patience?

2. Was He protecting me from more bad experiences?

3. Did He want me to arrive at the Cleveland Worship Center in this stage of my life?

4. Did He want me to wait till I hit the end of my rope?

I could list a thousand more reasons, and not be closer to knowing WHY.

I don't understand why God works the way He does.
I don't know.
I don't know why you're prayers are still unanswered.

But I do believe that God is good. Not always safe. Not always fun. But good.

And tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, I will know that I have a purpose, a place to implement my gifts, students to minister to, and an income to provide for my family.

And I couldn't be more excited.