Unity in the Christian Community

As most of you remember, the topic of the gay community started when I decided to listen to the opinions of gay Christians. With a motive only to learn and make friends, I wrote an interview and contacted over a hundred self proclaimed Gay Christians.

One of which was Rachel.

Rachel, answered my questions, and asked me a few of her own. After several long winded facebook messages, an internet friendship formed.

Come to find out, Rachel lives with her wife, Sarah, in London, and they wrote a book together.

Living it Out - “A survival guide for lesbian, gay and bisexual Christians and their friends, families and church.”

“London, no way. My wife and I will be in London for the next three months.”

“If you're in London on January 27th you'd be very welcome to come along to an event we're having in a bookshop in London about Living It Out. I'll send you an invite.”

So there Cait and I sat, on the fifth floor of Waterstone Booksellers, second row, far left.

Circumstances like this are too big to be called coincidences. Rachel and I randomly began discussing controversial topics in late December. The first time I traveled away from North America is the same week she releases her book. Her book is the only one of its kind, a survival guide for Gay Christians. The book store that hosts the release launch is a short train ride away from my house.

Sitting there on the second row, it felt too big to be a coincidence.

Maybe it’s a God thing.

For years, I have felt a deep appreciation for the diverse branches of Christianity. And in our diversity, unity. From Catholics to Protestants. From Traditional to Post-Modern. From Calvanist to Open Theology. From Conservative to Liberal. Underneath all of these branches, we are unified in our beliefs of God the Father sending his son Jesus to die for our sins. In Jesus we have restoration of relationship.

The church is big. The church is diverse. The church is unified as one bride.

And now, it seems that a new branch is forming. And to my knowledge, it has no clever name yet. But there are Christians who believe a gay lifestyle is a sin, and those who believe a gay lifestyle is of God.

There will be arguments. There will be tears. But like it or not, they are unified in our faith of Jesus.

Last week I spoke of a lifestyle called ex-Gay. When an individual decides they are gay, there are three ways to respond to the call of Jesus.

1. They can deny him, and remain a non-Christian Gay.

2. They can accept him, and leave the gay lifestyle. 



and there is a third option


3. They can both accept him and embrace their gay lifestyle.

Those who choose follow Christ and be gay have wrestled with the passages of Scripture. And their conclusion is that a homosexual monogamous marriage is right in the eyes of God. Homosexual infidelity, adultery and fornication are sinful, but a marriage is of God.

I’m sure that you have already made up your mind, but I found it fascinating and challenging to read counter arguments.

In America, there are several Christian leaders who have taken the stance of godly gay marriage (Mel White, Jay Bakker, Brian McLaren).

The American Church has changed a lot in the past 50 years. For decades, if someone in the church were to get a divorce (a biblical sin), many would refuse to talk to the divorcee. Today, painfully enough, divorce is common. Although divorce is not encouraged, we have a much holier response to divorce. We cry with the hurting.

Until recent years, most in the church would consider the consumption of alcohol a sin. Yet, frustrated, we read the Bible closer and realized that Scripture does not say such a thing. Drunkenness, abuse, brokenness and poverty caused by alcohol are sins, yes. But the consumption is not. Rather, consumption of alcohol is celebrated in the Bible.

“Praise the Lord, O my soul...

He makes grass grow for the cattle,

and plants for man to cultivate,

brings forth food from the earth,

wine that gladdens the heart of man.”

(Psalms 104)

In my honest opinion, the awkwardness between Christians who think homosexuality is a sin, and those who think gay marriage is godly will dissolve. Though everyone may not agree, it is my prayer that unity will prevail.

My father wisely told me,

“Chris, you will find many people you disagree with. But remember this one thing. Unity begins at the Cross. It is the most important place to agree. As you move further away from the Cross, the disagreements become less and less important.”

Though you disagree with the lifestyle choice, agree in the salvation of Jesus Christ. For it is what makes us all ‘Christian.’

And this is how I choose to finish this series on the gay community. Though you disagree, do not let that prevent fellowship. Be accepting, loving. If you agree on the Cross, let nothing else separate you.

And this may bother you. Accept gays as Christians?

Follow me for a bit.

What if someone struggled with arrogance. He prayed his entire life that God would make him humble. He fasted. He served. He went to counseling. At times he would defeat his arrogance, living in humility. But years later, he would become prideful again.

What if one day he told you, “I think I’m arrogant. And I will always be arrogant. I still love God, but I am not going to change.”

Would you accept him as a Christian? Does he in fact have a relationship with God?

Why is it easier to accept this fictional prideful man than to accept someone who is gay? The Bible has many more passages condemning arrogance than it does homosexuality. The Bible speaks much more strongly against pride than it does homosexuality. Why is a lifestyle of pride accepted more than a lifestyle of homosexuality?

I admit, the example is far fetched. But doesn’t it say the same thing? Gay Christians have spent years in prayer for God to remove their nature. But it seems that God’s hand remains motionless. God, all too often, does not turn gay people straight.

If they, after years of prayer, fasting, and counseling, accept their lifestyle and embrace God, are they not Christians as well. Should we not accept them as Christians?

I believe we should.

She is the Church. She is beautiful. She is to be fought for. She is to die for. Let her be unified.

This blog series has stretched, challenged, and strengthened me. And I pray it did for you too. I have made great friends (gay and straight). Yet it has been draining as well. ‘Is this can of worms worth opening up?’ ‘Will this hurt my chances of getting a job in a church?’ And most of all, ‘Will people receive this?’

Here are the two most common responses I have received.

1. “Chris, I have felt like this for a long time. I just didn’t know how to say it.”

and

2. “Chris, thank you.”

So I say, thank you for being a part of it. Thank you for reading. Hopefully you will come back to read future posts. Though not on the gay community, there are other areas that we need to grow in.

Though I am finished blogging about the gay community. I invite any more questions via email (leadingfromtheheart@gmail.com) or facebook.

God bless,

-Chris

Re-THINKING the Gay Christian Community

“Seriously, who would choose to be subject to ridicule and inequality?”

“If it was a choice, people wouldn't be killing themselves. Nobody in their right minds would choose to go through the things we do.”

First things first.

Yes. I believe choosing to live a gay lifestyle is a sin.

Romans 1:26-27

1 Corinthians 6:9-11

1 Timothy 1:10

But you know what? I think people can be born gay.

With those two statements, I have pushed myself into lonely corner. Hardly anyone shares my opinion. Don’t my two statements contradict? Why would God create somebody gay?

Ever wonder how many people are born as hermaphrodites? A little bit of google research told me that 3 in every 1,000 people are born with both male and female parts. Now tell me, should a hermaphrodite be attracted to men or women?

Hermaphrodites didn’t choose to be born that way. Did God create them that way? God created us all to be PERFECT. True, but sin has corrupted even our physicality.

And even more, sin has corrupted us morally. I was born a liar. I was born selfish.

With that being said, is it possible, is there any way that a person could be born gay? If hermaphrodites are a real scientific example of people born with different sexual organs, why do we find it impossible to say people can be born with different sexual tendencies?

A tendency that is, yes, sinful.

I find it harder to believe that someone could be born with the wrong sex organ than someone to be born with the tendency to prefer the same sex. The former sounds unbelievable. Yet we have documented proof of such.

What bothers me is that the Christian community leaves ABSOLUTELY NO ROOM for conversation on this topic.

“People choose to be gay! There is no other answer.” they proclaim.

“Those chose to be gay. Now they need to choose to be straight.”

I am advocating that maybe we are wrong. As we have just seen, human sexuality is a highly complex concept. I don’t think we should be so quick to rule out the idea that someone can be born gay.

This is a problem, because we can trivialize the very real pain and suffering of being born gay (exclusion, shame, born as an ‘abomination’, teasing, hazing, violence, alienation from the church, labeled as a pedophile, derogatory comments). If the church leaves no room for the idea of people being born gay, we tell them that all of their pain is brought upon themselves, by their own choice. No exceptions.

Can we not empathize with their struggles?

Is it asking too much to try and understand how painful their life has been?

Does it break our hearts to know that gay teens are four times more likely to commit suicide than heterosexual teens?

Chad Thompson gives this powerful and creative approach in his book Loving Homosexuals As Jesus Would.

“If we wish to be successful in our attempts to bring God’s message of hope to the homosexual community, we must not go running to the door screaming about the spiritual and physical consequences of homosexual behavior. Rather, we must approach it with a plan to reduce the suffering of LGBT in tangible ways.”

I agree with Chad. We have focused all of our effort communicating spiritual and physical dangers. Trust me. They’ve heard it. Loud and clear.

We yell, “Danger!”

But they hear. “Intolerance!”

Chad suggests that we minister to them the same way we minister to everyone else. “How can we relieve your suffering?”

So I ask you. What are tangible ways that we can relieve the suffering of struggling gays? Here are some of my suggestions.

• Tell them, “I cannot imagine how painful it was while growing up.”
• Tell them, “I will accept you as a person, and love you no matter how you choose to live.”
• Make the first and consistent steps into maintaining a friendship.
• And what I stressed last week, simply apologize.

Lastly, if a gay lifestyle is a sin, and people are born gay, then we need to applaud the Christian ex-Gays (people who are born gay, but choose to leave that lifestyle and pursue a life of celibacy or heterosexuality). In a country where the non-Christian culture celebrates gay lifestyle, these people have chosen to leave a life that they inwardly desire for a life of faith, virtue, and purity. Some choose celibacy! They choose to live a life of singlehood so they can grow closer to Christ! They give up romantic love. They give up marriage. They give up sex! For the sake of Christ.

These people know what it means to be tempted.

They know what it means to sacrifice.

Christian ex-Gays have my utmost respect.

Is this what we expect of all gays? To be just as strong, brave and sacrificial as these ex-Gays? If they are to become Christian, that they would have to forsake every natural choice and accept a life of self denial.

We have to understand how much we are asking.

Others, such as my new friends, have embraced both lifestyles (Christian and Gay). But that is a different subject. Something that I may cover next week.

We ourselves don’t know what its like to be gay. What its like to forsake internal feelings of all romantic attractions.

And worst of all, we show impatience and intolerance for those who decide not to be ex-Gay.

I’m not advocating that it is 100% choice. I don’t think we will ever truly know why people are gay. What I am asking is for you to re-think what it means to be gay. To re-think what it means to minister to the gay community. We don't have to be louder, we need to love first.

Connecting the Gay Christian Community

“I have stopped counting how many times I had to tell my gay friends to forgive people because they spoke out of ignorance. So much damage has been done.”

“Pretty much everyone I know has had experiences of being excluded and made to feel unwelcome by the Church.”

“They asked me never to come back. That's pretty sad. I mean that's really awful. I got over it quick, personally I didn't care much because it was their own ignorance. Things like this cause unstable people in my situation to commit suicide, and the church gets off free by saying "it was their sin, they did not repent, they brought it upon themselves.”

“There are almost too many to be counted. The recent thing that I saw was a reverend that was quoted in a certain newspaper that he hates gay people. What kind of message does that sent out to gay people? Many gay people have turned away from God because they believe that God doesn't love them anymore.”

They believe that God doesn’t love them anymore.

Overwhelmingly, the response is negative. And it should hurt you to hear that. People no longer expect compassion from the church because they have been deeply wounded by Christians.

“Love the sinner. Hate the sin,” we tell them.

They get the ‘hating sin’ part. But where is the ‘love’?

Many Christian spokesman speak out against homosexuality. But I say they’ve gone too far. It is one thing to call the lifestyle a sin, it is quite another to say that homosexuals are child molesters and commit bestiality (intercourse with animals).

• Christians like Scott Lively travel the world, preaching and proclaiming that homosexuals influenced the extreme militarism of Nazi Germany. That gays are the reason for the holocaust. His book is entitled The Pink Swastika.

• Westboro Baptist Church hosts the website godhatesfags.com.

• Pat Robertson and the late Jerry Falwell claimed that gays, lesbians, abortionists and feminists were to blame for the September 11th tragedy.

• As a Christian, you should know that Uganda is in the process of passing a bill that will call for the execution of gays, the imprisonment of anyone hiding gays, and the execution of anyone diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. You should also know that Scott Lively, Caleb Lee Brudidge and Don Schmierer, three Christian missionaries who speak against gay lifestyles, are seen as major influencers to push the bill through.

So much has been done in the name of Jesus, Christians, and the Church to cripple the credibility of our faith.

Yes, I believe that a homosexual lifestyle is a sin. But let me be clear: it is a sin, it is wrong, unholy and derogatory to label them all pedophiles, connect all homosexuals with bestiality, or describe them with other demeaning language. When these assumptions are voiced as absolutes, relationships are severed and the image of Christ is stained. And when we communicate only their sin, and show no actions that we actually care about them, then they have no good reason to think that God loves them either.

Whether you like it or not, as a Christian, when you begin with a conversation with someone who is gay, lurking behind you is a lifetime of derogatory, anti-gay comments made in the name of Jesus Christ. And all you did was say, “Yes, I am a Christian.”

All I want you to do is understand this one, simple sentence:

There is power in apology.

When meeting someone who is gay, let the first words that you speak sound something like this,

“I am sorry. People of my faith have said many hateful things to you and people like you. They spoke out of sin, ignorance and hate. On behalf of them, my Jesus, and my faith, I apologize for our sins.”

I hope you can see the healing power that an apology like this will begin.

Read this story of a conversation between pastor Shayne Wheeler and his gay friend. Shayne said,

“Tell you what, you don’t assume I am a gay-hating bigot, and I won’t assume you’re a pedophile. Deal? If we buy into stereotypes, we’ll never be able to love one another.”

Tears streamed down his face. He said, “Are you sure you’re a Christian?”

Now there were tears of my own.*

My challenge to you is this: apologize. Apologize to people that you know who are gay. Email strangers randomly on Facebook and write them an apology. Take the first step into creating a friendship.

Love them first.

Because while we were still sinners, God loved us first.

*Conversation from UnChristian


UPDATE:
If you are offended that I suggest we apologize, before commenting below how you feel, read this blog article entitled "I Hugged a Man in His Underwear. And I am Proud." I will gladly read any feedback after you read the article.

Questioning the Gay Christian Community

For the past few months, I have had a controversial topic on my mind. That being how the church treats the gay community. It started years ago when I read the book I so often quote in this blog, What’s So Amazing About Grace?. In one specific chapter, Yancey talks about his observations on how the church withholds grace from the homosexual community.

With that last line, I am sure that your own opinions rose to the surface. And I guess that is natural. But for the past few weeks, I’ve decided to do the opposite. Rather than make it a point to spread my own opinion, I asked others. Specifically gay Christians. What do they think of the gay community and the church?

I wrote seven questions and contacted a hundred or so on Facebook. Their responses were thorough, thoughtful and always emotional. I had no intention of turning this into a blog. But after my heart was touched by their answers, I understood that I had to talk about this. So this week I share with you only the questions, my reason behind the questions and their answers. This week I withhold my opinion. Next week I will share what I think and what really bothers me.

1. What do you prefer to be known as? Gay? Homosexual? GLBT? Why do you want to be called that?

I asked this question, because I recently read a Christian article that suggested ‘homosexual’ to be an offensive, anti-gay label.

2. Do you think being gay is a choice? Or born that way? Both? Neither?

I asked because I am tired and frustrated with short, easy answers that the Church/Christians give.

3. How would you explain to someone how you can be Gay and Christian without one negating the other?

Those who I interviewed have embraced both the Gay and Christian lifestyle. I found this to be an important and tough question

4. What has been your positive experience with Christians/the Church?

Though hardships, these individuals have decided to embrace Christianity. What positive experiences encouraged this?

5. What has been your negative experience with Christians/the Church?

This is a risky question, because I know that all of these individuals have been hurt in one way or another by the church. But I think it is important to know what these gay christians have experienced, so that we can better understand what non-christian Gays have been through.

6. What are your thoughts on the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” as a reference Christians use to treat gays?

I know that this phrase is detested in the gay community. It’s another simple, easy answer that we give. But our easy answers don’t always add up.

7. If anything, what would you want to communicate to the Christian community?

Here, especially, we should bend our ear to what they have to say.

So here are some of the responses (abbreviated, obviously).

1. What do you prefer to be known as? Gay? Homosexual? LGBT? Why do you want to be called that?

“I prefer not to be known as anything, a good standby would be ‘gay’. ‘Homosexual’ has become a bit of a derogatory term, most often used condescendingly by Christians.”

“Gay. because that's what i am. that's what my entire struggle has been. accepting myself for what/who i am. if i went by any "politically correct" label, it wouldn't feel as effective. the others you mention seem to tiptoe around the real word in everyone's mind - GAY. i won't tiptoe around what i am. If I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say it right.”

2. Do you think being gay is a choice? Or born that way? Both? Neither?

“If it was a choice, people wouldn't be killing themselves. Nobody in their right minds would choose to go through the things we do.”

“Seriously, who would choose to be subject to ridicule and inequality? I do believe there is a measure of choice in coming out and living a life of truth, but one's sexuality is not a choice and certainly not a sin, like every other human being I was fearfully and wonderfully made by an almighty and wondrous God.”

“Personally I do believe it is a mix of both (nature and nurture). I do believe that inherently there is something biologically constructed, but I do believe that our environments do shape how we feel, think, and express ourselves.”

3. How would you explain to someone how you can be Gay and Christian without one negating the other?

“Probably by saying I do not believe them to be oil and water, nor do I think that the verses in the Bible used to condemn same sex relationships actually address homosexuality as we know it today. Also, Jesus says nothing about homosexuality, and instead says a number of things about greed and divorce, etc...two things the church seems to ignore. I don't think you can pick and choose what laws from the Bible you are going to use.”

“Being gay is NOT the sin. Promiscuity however is. No where in the bible does it say anything about gay people that life in a committed relationship to one partner. The same rules as for heterosexual people apply, the only thing that changed is that it is a same sex relationship. To me it is important to reconcile these people with God himself and let Him do the changing that needs to take place in their lives.”

“The Bible's verses are taken out of context and used to attack us. Again, it's that simple. If people would stop taking preachers' words for it and do the research themselves, they'd be surprised at what they'd find.”

4. What has been your positive experience with Christians/the Church?

“God does awesome things through the church, but the church often does terrible things and justifies it by twisting the Bible. However, all in all, I’ve spent several awesome years as a part of my church.”

“For every negative story, I come across a positive one too.”

“My current spiritual mom is a heterosexual Christian and counsellor. I have known her for the last 6 years.”

“Coming to the realization that God loves me just as I am, that I am part of the "whosoever" mentioned in John 3:16 and that I can belong and worship in a Christian community (albeit it in a a "gay neo-charismatic" one) without fear or rejection.”

“Learning theology, some good friends.”

“I have actually never had a positive experience with the Church.”

5. What has been your negative experience with Christians/the Church?

“Pretty much everyone I know has had experiences of being excluded and made to feel unwelcome by the Church.”

“There are almost too many to be counted. The recent thing that I saw was a reverend that was quoted in a certain newspaper that he hates gay people. What kind of message does that sent out to gay people? Many gay people have turned away from God because they believe that God doesn't love them anymore.”

“I have stopped counting how many times I had to tell my gay friends to forgive people because they spoke out of ignorance. So much damage have been done.”

“Overwhelmingly, I have had negative experiences with "Christians" even though I enjoy going to actual church. My family is religious and it has made us closer.”

“They asked me never to come back. That's pretty sad. I mean that's really awful. I got over it quick, personally I didn't care much because it was their own ignorance. Things like this cause unstable people in my situation to commit suicide, and the church gets off free by saying "it was their sin, they did not repent, they brought it upon themselves.”

6. What are your thoughts on the phrase “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” as a reference Christians use to treat gays?

“I love that phrase. however, when used to talk about gays, I hate it. It's ridiculous. It's all in their comfort zone. This is how they justify hate with God's blessing. It's that simple and doesn't deserve anymore explanation.”

“A bunch of crap. Everybody has sin in there life known or unknown to others. The word says love covers a multitude of sins. It is only real love (no conditions) that will bridge the gap between straight and gay people.”

“I think it's an over-used phrase that makes Christians feel superior to gays.”

“I despise the phrase, not only is it still placing blame ON the person but biological ideologies come through.”

7. If anything, what would you want to communicate to the Christian community?

“I'd want us all to remember that God calls us to be in relationship, even with people we may not agree with and we may find difficult.”

“Accept the fact that you may not know all the answers to all the questions in life (especially regarding gay people).”

“Life is to short to not act like Christ and show real love to others.”

“That they NEED to sit down, engage, discuss, and have an open communication with VARIOUS (not one type or form of "queer" member).”

These are my questions to you:

1. Are people born gay? Really think about their responses. Would people choose to kill themselves because of their 'choice' to be gay?

2. How do you think gays feel about Christians refusing the idea of being born gay?

3. How do you feel about the negativity concerning 'Love the sinner, hate the sin."?

Crossroad with Greatness

A few years ago, I was with a leadership team as we made our way through Atlanta. We stopped at Ebenezer Baptist Church, to visit the museum of a personal hero of mine. From pastor to civil rights revolutionary, Martin Luther King, Jr. shaped the image of humanity. Sad to say, many white churches stood in his way of racial equality. But he stood strong in what he believed was right, till his dying day.

As we made our way through his museum, I stood speechless in front of a certain display. It read,

Every man must decide whether he will walk
in the light of creative altruism* or the darkness of selfishness.
This is the judgment.
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is,
what are you doing for others?

In a moment of poetic justice, I realized that my snapshot photo reflected an image of myself. This forced me to look introspectively. It was almost if I stood at a crossroad with greatness. As if Martin Luther King, Jr. himself was asking me, “Chris, what are you doing for others?”

And so I extend the question to you. Will you walk in the light of altruism or the darkness of selfishness? What are you doing for others? Please comment.

And if you have a favorite MLKJ quote, feel free to share.

*Altruism: the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others